suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
