Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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