the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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