Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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