i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
