trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
