my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize