Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
