My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
