This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
