he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
farters have to be the big spoon...
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
