whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
