no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
