Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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