ya dads aren't the best wingmen
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
the liver wants what the liver wants
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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