I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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