I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
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