I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
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