I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
