She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
the room spins SO much faster in panama
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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