I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
