fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Randomize