I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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