You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
