I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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