This is not my ceiling
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
