why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
She announced her abortion via fbk
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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