they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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