you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
birth control should be required to get into college
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
