Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
