i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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