I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
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