So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
