I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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