Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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