I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
