the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
