i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
