bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Randomize
