i'm lost and i look like a hooker
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
