I heard we made out
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
