I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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