i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
