i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Randomize