How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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