the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
my phone needs a breathalizer
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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