Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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