We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
