Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
We left the knife in your bed.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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