3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Randomize
