if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
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