I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I'm both gender and math confused
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
