Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
