I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
