cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
