mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
