There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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