ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
