you have to choose: penises or morals?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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