ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
