Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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