too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
