next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Never let your siblings swipe right.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
