I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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