I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
