Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Randomize
