i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
