Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
