You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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