actually, I'm a sock model
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Randomize
