What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
