I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
