he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
