I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
