Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
