I puked a lego.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
